Privacy versus secrecy

I've been trying to decide who to tell about my cancer and what/how much to say. I don't see myself as being particularly secretive, but I'm not quite as clearcut about where my privacy boundaries are.

I've always felt that my life was an open book. I'm not the type to commit any grievous sin-- I couldn't live with the guilt. I would never deliberately do anything to hurt or embarrass anyone, particularly my parents. Nor am I a great risk-taker-- and I have observed enough unpleasant consequences to convince me that I should avoid certain types of behavior.

At the same time, I have maintained some personal boundaries, i.e., information that has remained close to my heart. Some things have been shared only with the closest friends and family members. But when I look at my past, I wonder if I have been somewhat inconsistent in how I have applied my privacy policy.

Have I shared things that were better kept between God and me? Since I've never married, I don't have to worry about having shared with others things best kept between my and my (nonexistent) spouse. But were there others that should have been kept within my family? Sometimes when we are too open, we place a burden on others who may not value our experiences or insights as we do. Would it have been better to keep our own counsel rather than open our lives to criticism or ridicule?

MYOB is the catch-phrase for some parents-- "Mind your own business." That's pretty hard to teach when we live in a society that is so "in your face." Blogging is just one example. On the one hand, blogging seems extremely egotistic. On the other hand, who cares what I think or what is going on in my life. But the very fact that I am writing this makes it difficult for those who read my blog to mind their own business. I am making my life their vicarous business.

I'm guessing here, but I think Superheroes know where the boundaries lie that define what kinds of information and how much to share. Besides content, they must also know how to control the flow of information, i.e., who to tell and what venues to use. They know that once information is shared, it can no longer be controlled-- particularly in a digital form.

For now, I've told a few of my neighbors with whom I associate on a regular basis-- at home and at church: my teaching partner in Primary who may have to cover for me at the last minute; the Primary President who may have to replace me sooner rather than later, and some others who may be affected by the changes in my life. It's not that I mind telling others, in fact I may need their support. I just don't want to burden others with the intimate details of my life. Some people are very uncomfortable with thoughts of cancer.

I've only told three people at work: my immediate supervisor for obvious reasons and two co-workers because we've been friends and a support system for each other well beyond our working environment for many years. My plan is NOT to tell anyone else until I absolutely must. Fortunately my current assignment allows me some degree of flexibility. I'm hoping that I will be able to continue working, even though my schedule may become a bit erratic. I prefer, however, not to become grist for the gossip mill-- and believe me, there is one. So, for now, I'm only telling people at work on a "need-to-know" basis.

I've told a few other friends, but not all of my closest friends because I still know so little myself. The paradox is that I'm sharing my condition with the whole world using this particular venue. Truthfully, I doubt anyone is reading this (or very few anyway), but the fact that this blog is available via the Web seems a little counterintuitive. I'm telling the world what I'm not willing to share with some of those who see me on virtually a daily basis.

Superheroes must be more consistent. As for me, I'm still working on it.